"My life is shattered, I'm lost and condemned, I just wanna die. I've taken more than what I can chew, to swallow is a problem, to spit out is a bigger problem. God, I just wanna die".
*******
My name is Christabel, I'm a thirty two years old woman with two kids and a husband. Maybe, I shouldn't say I have kids or husband because my husband made those moments a regretful one for me!
**************

I was born in Daegu, South Korea where I happened to live with my grand mother. I lost my parents at a very young age. My mother died while trying to give birth to me and my father died while trying to make money to pay my school bills. I believe even until now, that I'm cursed. I lived with my grand mother for eleven years of my life before she died. I had no one to look up to, I knew no family members nor friends. I started wandering around the streets of Daegu. Only God knows why my I was named Christabel instead of a Korean name. But, my name was the only thing I loved about myself. A day came when I had an accident, fortunately for me, I was not injured badly, I was rushed to the hospital for treatment. The man that hit me paid my hospital bills and accommodated me into his house. His name was Mr Kim, he was a huge man with six packs, his personality showed that he was most girls type. I loved him for who he was. I knew nothing about his job.
******
'You said you're Christabel right?' his deep voice moved me, he reminded me of my dad's. He spoke just like him. My heart fluttered when I heard that. 'Oh! Yes', I replied gazing straight at his eyes. 'Good, I think I'd to apologize for my recklessness, I wasn't thinking straight, if not, I guess I wouldn't have hit you. You look tattered and lean, is there any problem? He asked. 'No, it's just that I didn't eat well these days', I replied. One of the things I hate is to tell people about my situation even if it's the worst.
'Feel free to tell me your problems, I'm all ears'. I guess I had no other choice than to tell him.
'Well, actually, these days, I've been suffering. I lived with my grandmother since when I lost my parents. Now, my grandmother is dead and I've no one to rely on. I said.
******
After saying all that, all he could say is that he felt my pain. He had nothing to say after all, my problems were beyond words. I later discovered that he was planning to send me back to school, I was so amazed and overjoyed.
I got admitted into Daegu high school, South Korea. I didn't make much friends because I was an introvert, to me, being an introvert was a problem. I hated being an introvert, I wanted to be able to meet new people, travel and stand out amidst crowd. Then, I was not really pretty, I was not even one of the top brilliant students nor the top pretty students. I was just there. I finished high school and was admitted into college. At college, I had a crush on a guy named 'Cha Jin Gi'. He was a cute guy and also one of the hottest guys in the college. He was my first love, I loved him with all of me, but he didn't. Rumours spread round the college that he was dating a girl named 'Lee Ji An'. I was advised to get over him, I managed to get over him halfway but not completely. Few months passed, we heard a news. Lee Ji An got pregnant, because of the shame, she dropped out while Lee Jin Gi was no where to be found. I thanked God for I'm not a victim. I finished college completely.
**********


I became a successful banker at age twenty-one. At that age, I had became famous, wealthy and very pretty. This made men attracted to me but I guess they were not my type. I didn't get attracted to any guy not until the house beside mine was sold out. Only God knows why the person decided to buy the house because the house was dirty and stinky. I stinks so much than a dead man's body. But, to my surprise, it was made clean.
The following month, the new buyer moved in. Fortunately, it was a guy. He was a cute, well dressed and polite personality. He was a huge stunt guy. He looked like a guy in his early twenties, his appearance made me understand that he was most girls' crush. He was a mysterious man. He had an overflowing character. His eyebrows were connected with his eyelids. His voice was very soft and sweet. His dressing made me understand that caps wouldn't fit him. His ears were pierced and he was at least 178cm tall in height. Everything about him was so perfect. His name was Park In Min. I loved him. He was definitely my type of guy. Because of that, I wanted him.
A day came when I had to get some things, and I sighted him. I looked for every way to talk to him but no to avail, he was making phone calls. That day, he was wearing a cap, I hated him wearing caps. Suddenly, his wallet fell. 'Bingo'! I said knowing that that was an opportunity for me to start a conversation with him. Immediately, without wasting any time, I said 'Oh! Your wallet fell', bending down to pick it up for him.
'Thanks a lot', he replied.
Since then, we became close to the extent that I went to his house most times and vice versa. I had the urge to tell him how I feel but I was scared incase I would be turned down. A day came when I had to write a letter to him via SMS. I guessed it was high time I told him how I feel. I started to write:
'Park In Min, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. I've been trying to find the right words to tell you how I feel, and I finally realised that there are no words that can fully express my love for you. I just know that I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. I love you more than myself. Having you by my side is what completes me, I can't think of my life without you. I love you! You are the reason I live, I breath, I love and I smile. I fell in love with you from the day I met you, and then I fell in love with the person you remembered you are. I want you. I need you. I believe you. Will you kiss me? I confess that you are everything to me. Here is my confession, you're a way too awesome'.
From Christabel.

Then, I sent it hoping to get a good reply and I slept off. The next morning, my phone message ringtone beeped, I thought it was In Min, but unfortunately it was a message stating that the message I wrote was not sent. I was like 'what!' I immediately deleted it thinking that God does not want me to send it.
I set out to visit a friend of mine named Hye Ri, she was a supportive and also my best friend. I told her most of my secrets because I trusted her.
'Hey, Hye Ri, it's been a long time', I said.
'It's really had been, we haven't seen each other for months now', she replied. How're you doing?
'I'm great, I'm actually here to gist you'.
'What's up?
'Kang Hye Ri, I'm in love'
'What! Really, oh my god! I'm so happy for you, who's he? Is he someone I know?
'Nope, the truth is the love is one-sided'.
'So, what you're saying now us is that you love the guy but he doesn't love you back?'
'Exactly. I don't know what to do, he doesn't seem as if he has a girlfriend to be precise, though sometimes, I see girls going to his house, but I guess they are not his girlfriends'.
'So, what're you going to do now, are you going to give up on him?'
'Of course not, I'm going to try hard to get him'.
'Fine, I wish you and your crush best of luck.' She said as she laughed hard.
*************
I headed back home but as I was going I saw that a lady entered In Min's house. Firstly, I thought she was his sister or one of his relatives until I figured out that she was one of his girlfriends. He had sex with her! I felt heartbroken and regretful. I cried all night. But, that didn't make my feelings fade away. I still loved him.
Not long, I received a call from one of my friends that my highschool math teacher died, and they were celebrating his demise. No one loved him when we were in school. I myself didn't like him, it was not like I hate him, I just didn't like him. I was bittered when I heard about his demise. I should at least pay his family my condolences since my friends were going. I wore a casual cloth and headed out. On my way , I met In Min.
'Hey guy, what's up?'
'I'm good, you?'
'Same here. Oh my god! What happened to your face, didn't you get some rest?'
'I have been stressed out working late these days.......




Table of contents

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New Chapter 3

New Chapter 4

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